Balance

I always tell my mom that she’s made of steel and I’m her little cotton ball. Well, I guess I got the urge to believe I was something more, maybe a Brillo Pad?  Definitely not a steel beam but I can feel some type of transformation happening within.

I am someone that thrives in the sunshine. Don’t get me wrong, I love all my seasons but that’s only because I have an unhealthy obsession with velvet and faux fur. Because this past winter was rather generous with the number of “Get me out of here!” days, I purchased sunshine pills, Vitamin D supplements; hoping these would get me through the depths of winter.

And they did! In the first few weeks you could have told me that Nordstrom Rack was closing its doors and I would’ve smiled and said, good for them! There was very little that could’ve upset me. Sunshine consumed me!

Then something incredible happened, I began to realize that I was finally in control of my mental being. The daily annoyances continued but rarely was I allowing them to control my mental clarity. Vitamin D was nothing more than a lemon flavored gummy, I was the one making the change.

It was when I was having this initial ah-ha moment that a project fell through and I was suddenly left with an open chunk of time. Nine weeks out from the Flying Pig Marathon I put my name on the waiting list. Eight weeks out, I was in.

During these eight weeks I pushed myself harder than I ever have, physically, mentally and spiritually. My mileage increased from three to eighteen in a six-week span. I felt it in my body but the more I felt physically challenged, the more I pushed myself mentally. When both body and mind wore thin, I looked to my soul to carry me.

Walking to the start line at six am by myself sans phone and music, surface level, was pretty typical for me. I’ve been single my entire life so I’m comfortable going places on my own. It’s more natural than the alternative. The feeling in my chest, now that is something I had never felt before. My heart raced and for the first time I felt ready. No anxiety, just ready to perform.

For 26.2 miles I ran. Each and every one of those miles was for myself. This year I didn’t run to prove to myself that I could do it. No, I already knew I could. I ran because I deserved it. I deserved to feel that sense of accomplishment when I crossed the finish line. I deserved to know that I have the power within, it just needed to come alive and I needed to be the one to control that.

The funny thing, I didn’t realize this race was a personal record until an entire day later. Friends and family asked how I did and my response for the most part was positive despite not having reached my goal time. I was proud of myself because I performed. I didn’t feel the need to look at a time. What does time mean anyway if your body, mind and soul are in disarray? To have balance means your wildest challenge can become your greatest accomplishment. To me, now that’s incredible.

The power within is alive and I'm hungry for more.

I should have prefaced this entire rambling with the single fact that my family plays the role of my placebo sunshine pills on the dreariest of days. Go rogue and join us, Compete For Fitness.